"REDvsBLACKvsAMERICANvsTOURvs2009"

Sam authored this tour announcement on MySpace:

REDvsBLACK is riding the Flaming Griffin into the sweet, sweet underbelly of America. This tour will eat lies and shit mischief. June, July and August are weak with fear, trembling at the thought of REDvsBLACK, sonic assassins, and the pain we are associated with. It is time to take your medicine, and we taste pretty good. We plan our sojourn for the eastern coast of these United States, down through the hot, humid south, bound to fight across the One Known As Texas until we emerge anew into the Southwest dripping green chili and afterbirth. We are looking for (in no particular order): shows to play; friends to make; minds to blow; floors to sleep on; girls to impress with our amazing feats of strength; music to hear; lessons to learn; memories to make. REDvsBLACKis charging hard and fast like lightning on bathtub-speed. Summer 2009 heard that we were coming, and it tried to trade with Fall 2011. Most bands hit the road, we pummel. Hello friends, watch out enemies/public restrooms. REDvsBLACK is hungry for more bone marrow-your sweet, smooth, most-likely-Anglo bone marrow (although we don’t discriminate, hate is for pussies).From Maine to Miami, no basement venue is safe.and only a couple women will be unsatisfied, but they are many and we are few. Be prepared East Coast because we’re gunning for you like Tupac, only we aint going out like no bitch.

REDvsBLACK is a steak burrito-prepare to be carne asadomized, America.